this is the letter i sent to him.
i think it's the perfect entry..
for the last time i will ever blog about him.
I realized you were right, and I was wrong.
So I was talking to my friend John..member him.? The one Mexican in that one profile picture.. you were obsessed with it.? He’s also a leader at my church. I don’t really expect you to rememeber.
Anyways, nevertheless, I was talking to him, about you and about today. And about everything. How you broke my heart. And ya know what, he took YOUR SIDE. I bet you’re smiling right now huh.? That’s right, I know you matthew. He’s basically one of my best friends, and he sided with the guy who broke my heart. Whatta guy. . It’s fine. Cause guess what.? I’m on your side too now.
He’s so God filled and so knowledgeable it blows my mind. So he took me through our little situation here, and broke it down through God’s word and eyes. And he just made it all so clear and understandable. He told me that I was wrong and everything is my fault. I’m sure you like the sound of it huh.? Well I hated it. And I cried and screamed and was angry. But then he explained to me that I was mean and wrong to treat you the way I did. And of course I agree, because I’m twisted, but not that twisted. Geeze. Haha. Just kidding.(: I bet you just went, “BUT YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN JUST KIDDING.” oh how I will miss that honey. You’re the only one who ever called me on that.♥ but anyways, I then brought up the fact that you told me you loved me and cared about me COUNTLESS times and how could my big brother and best friend abandon me.??!? You even told me you loved me unconditionally. And you don’t abandon someone you love unconditionally. But oooh was i wrong there. Because he explained to me something that I think is right.
He told me story how he went through this EXACT same situation with a girl. He was you and I was his ex girlfriend. She was constantly mean to him and picked on him. And most of the time it was a joke. Because that’s how she was. But at that time in his life he was not so deep in his relationship with God, so he loved her, unconditionally, but in a earthly way, not as the way God loves us unconditionally. So he had to back out of that relationship because it was destroying him and he couldn’t handle it. He didn’t love her any less. In fact. He loved her just the same. But because he was not stable with God, he couldn’t survive in that atmosphere.
So he told me this is probably what you’re going through. And I know you matthew. You know I do. And I know you love me. I know you don’t love me any less now than when we were tight like a fat kid in spandex. I know this now. So I deeply and completely apologize with my entire heart and soul. I regret ever telling you that you lied to me for eight months and that you honestly never loved. Im so amazingly sorry. Because that’s not true. Because you wouldn’t do that. Like you said, I was so self absorbed in my own feelings. I didn’t even take a chance or a moment to look at you and how you were and are feeling. If I could go back in time. I would take back those mean things I said. Because I know you are just protecting yourself. From me. Which kills me that you have to do that. But that’s only one person’s fault..mine. And I take full responsibility.
I don’t expect this to change anything. Because you deserve to be treated with love. And im sorry I didn’t make you feel loved. I cant believe I did that to you. You honestly loved me and cared about me. And I am going to miss that matthew. Im going to miss that so much. But ya know. I’ll be okay. Because I have God. And no one needs anyone but God. You don’t need anyone but God.
So I want you to grow. I want you to be so obsessed with God you can never get enough. I want you to invest your life into God and focus on doing that. Because this is what I’m going to do. And maybe, when we’re both at that point. Where we can love each other unconditionally in a Godly way, then maybe we can be friends again. Because I’d love that. You were a true friend matthew. And I hope you know that I don’t regret a single moment of our relationship. Because we both grew from it. I have so much. And I know you have too. And I pray that you will continue to grow.
I love you with my entire heart. And I know most of this love is from God that’s shooting through me into you. So don’t forget about me. Please pray for me and my journey with God. I want to completely and utterly give my life to God. That’s what I need. That’s what we all need. So keep it up honey. I know you’re gonna get there.
Much love,
Your little sister, emma joy.
[because no matter what, I’ll forever be your sister in God]
So I was talking to my friend John..member him.? The one Mexican in that one profile picture.. you were obsessed with it.? He’s also a leader at my church. I don’t really expect you to rememeber.
Anyways, nevertheless, I was talking to him, about you and about today. And about everything. How you broke my heart. And ya know what, he took YOUR SIDE. I bet you’re smiling right now huh.? That’s right, I know you matthew. He’s basically one of my best friends, and he sided with the guy who broke my heart. Whatta guy. . It’s fine. Cause guess what.? I’m on your side too now.
He’s so God filled and so knowledgeable it blows my mind. So he took me through our little situation here, and broke it down through God’s word and eyes. And he just made it all so clear and understandable. He told me that I was wrong and everything is my fault. I’m sure you like the sound of it huh.? Well I hated it. And I cried and screamed and was angry. But then he explained to me that I was mean and wrong to treat you the way I did. And of course I agree, because I’m twisted, but not that twisted. Geeze. Haha. Just kidding.(: I bet you just went, “BUT YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN JUST KIDDING.” oh how I will miss that honey. You’re the only one who ever called me on that.♥ but anyways, I then brought up the fact that you told me you loved me and cared about me COUNTLESS times and how could my big brother and best friend abandon me.??!? You even told me you loved me unconditionally. And you don’t abandon someone you love unconditionally. But oooh was i wrong there. Because he explained to me something that I think is right.
He told me story how he went through this EXACT same situation with a girl. He was you and I was his ex girlfriend. She was constantly mean to him and picked on him. And most of the time it was a joke. Because that’s how she was. But at that time in his life he was not so deep in his relationship with God, so he loved her, unconditionally, but in a earthly way, not as the way God loves us unconditionally. So he had to back out of that relationship because it was destroying him and he couldn’t handle it. He didn’t love her any less. In fact. He loved her just the same. But because he was not stable with God, he couldn’t survive in that atmosphere.
So he told me this is probably what you’re going through. And I know you matthew. You know I do. And I know you love me. I know you don’t love me any less now than when we were tight like a fat kid in spandex. I know this now. So I deeply and completely apologize with my entire heart and soul. I regret ever telling you that you lied to me for eight months and that you honestly never loved. Im so amazingly sorry. Because that’s not true. Because you wouldn’t do that. Like you said, I was so self absorbed in my own feelings. I didn’t even take a chance or a moment to look at you and how you were and are feeling. If I could go back in time. I would take back those mean things I said. Because I know you are just protecting yourself. From me. Which kills me that you have to do that. But that’s only one person’s fault..mine. And I take full responsibility.
I don’t expect this to change anything. Because you deserve to be treated with love. And im sorry I didn’t make you feel loved. I cant believe I did that to you. You honestly loved me and cared about me. And I am going to miss that matthew. Im going to miss that so much. But ya know. I’ll be okay. Because I have God. And no one needs anyone but God. You don’t need anyone but God.
So I want you to grow. I want you to be so obsessed with God you can never get enough. I want you to invest your life into God and focus on doing that. Because this is what I’m going to do. And maybe, when we’re both at that point. Where we can love each other unconditionally in a Godly way, then maybe we can be friends again. Because I’d love that. You were a true friend matthew. And I hope you know that I don’t regret a single moment of our relationship. Because we both grew from it. I have so much. And I know you have too. And I pray that you will continue to grow.
I love you with my entire heart. And I know most of this love is from God that’s shooting through me into you. So don’t forget about me. Please pray for me and my journey with God. I want to completely and utterly give my life to God. That’s what I need. That’s what we all need. So keep it up honey. I know you’re gonna get there.
Much love,
Your little sister, emma joy.
[because no matter what, I’ll forever be your sister in God]
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