don't ever grow up, they said. but it's time, i said.

from the age when you're able to understand words,

till the day that your parents die,

they will tell you 

"stop growing up so fast"

"you don't want to grow up"

"don't ever grow up"

and every other variation of that saying you can think of.

one of my favorite Taylor Swift's song is titled "don't ever grow up".

it's lyrics are meaningful and real and it's full of passion.

at least to me.

i can identify with most of her songs,

and this one especially.

although i want to live out these song,

and just hold on to the idea of 'never growing up'

i know it's time too.

i want to grow up.

it's finally time.

i want to be an adult!

so the time has come.

a lot comes with growing up.

but i want to be taken seriously 

and i want to make something of myself.

so it starts with how i spend my time.

i'm working on getting a new job.

something based on my career.

focusing on life-giving relationships.

not ones that hold no future and nothing positive.

i want to start my certification class for 

wedding and event planning.

to do something productive with my days.

and lastly,

my relationship with God.

but it's really first.

I have ended my time at Trinity,

the church i grew up in 

and that shaped me into i am today.

it was a long, hard process of prayer and talks and decisions.

heart-wrenching decisions.

So much good has come from my time at Trinity,

but i need to walk away,

to become who i want to be.

I can't do that somewhere that i have this reputation of who i was.

because who i was is not something to necessarily be proud of.

with my ministry work at trinity,

my focus was on helping others grow.

now, it's time for me to grow and become the women of God wants me to be.

this journey begins with a new church,

and i have found that at City of Grace.

it's a place of power and excitement and the Holy Spirit.

i'm excited to become more involved,

and to be a part of a place where i can focus on purely God and I.

i love everyone who i have a relationship with at Trinity.

I still want everyone in my life,

and our relationships will be just as strong as ever.

but i cannot wait what God has for me for my future at City of Grace.

and just in general.

it's honestly hard for me to contain my excitement!
it's going to a crazy journey.

but once again,

i'm excited.

excited to grow up!

these mistakes that i have made

i do not regret.

i thank God for all the trials and tears.

for the hard times and the good times.

no matter how much i have hated myself,

or how physically sick i have ever been over stupid decisions,

i am grateful for the lessons i have learned.

i am excited for the mistakes to come.

for the tears i will cry.

for the pain i will endure.

because it's all a part of a plan.

it's all a part of who i am.

i am more than the choices that i make.

i am more than the sums of my past mistakes.

i am more than the problems i create.

i have been remade.

[tenth avenue north - you are more]

i have decided to just jump.

to just go with it.

to take chances.

because even if things don't work out in my favor,

there is always something for me to learn.

i vow to always walk away from every experience and situation 

with something new.

otherwise there is no point to life and these adventures i go on.

 and i wanna go on every adventure to the fullest!

thanks for the memories

i do this for me, not for anyone else.

well once again,

it has been almost a year.

i don't even know why i even i think i could keep up with this anymore.

haha

but just for kicks,

i'm going to try.

again.

reading my last post,

really screwed me up.

because the situation i talked about,

i just don't remember being then.

i just have no concept of time.

so much has changed in the past year.

a lot has come and gone.

i've grown in some aspects and not all in others.

i've learned so many lessons

and experienced so many hard times,

but i wouldn't change anything.

everything i've been through has made me who i am.

i honestly don't even know where to start.

maybe i won't.

maybe we should start from here.

and not even revisit the past.

i actually like this idea a lot.

i'll post some pictures,

so in the future i can just recall memories.

but other than that,

details aren't necessary..

so here's to a fresh start!

with a positive outlook and no bitter memories.

.