i wanna be able to fly like a airplane, whenever i feel like it.

innocence;

the quality or state of being innocent; freedom from sin or moral wrong.

"the only things that stands in the way of my innocence, is the fact that i grew up." -me

but i still have those moments,

and it still have those days,

where it's okay to act like a child.

and bask in my innocence.

if i could take back the things i've done,

and the things i've seen,

just to hold onto my childish innocence,

i wouldn't hesitate.

i don't care about being knowledgeable,

or knowing what everyone is talking about,

i'd rather be able to be innocent,

and not even care.

but last night,

i got to act like a child.

i watched larry boy,

and sang songs about soldiers.

i pretended to be goliath, while ian was david,

constantly falling down,

because david killed the giant.

i got to run around and be airplanes,

and eat pretend cookies,

in a house i was five times too big for.

and it was just about the best fun i've had in awhile.

because i got to act like a child, with a child.

and we were both innocent,

for three hours.

♥

an end to a GREAT day.

 R A W W R.

today was amazing.:)

it's just what I needed.

nothing more.

nothing less 

eating till i can't move.

splurging on a dress for someone I love.

laughing about ridiculous things.

taking pictures just cause of the position

 we're all in.

 watching chick flicks; hearing and saying constant "awwwwhs.!"

and doing it all with amazing friends.

and we cannot forget communion at church.

asking God to take my life.

take it all.

so life is good.

and life is great.

and emma is happy.

because i finally realized the truth.

this is the letter i sent to him. 

i think it's the perfect entry..

for the last time i will ever blog about him.

I realized you were right, and I was wrong.

So I was talking to my friend John..member him.? The one Mexican in that one profile picture.. you were obsessed with it.? He’s also a leader at my church. I don’t really expect you to rememeber.
Anyways, nevertheless, I was talking to him, about you and about today. And about everything. How you broke my heart. And ya know what, he took YOUR SIDE. I bet you’re smiling right now huh.? That’s right, I know you matthew. He’s basically one of my best friends, and he sided with the guy who broke my heart. Whatta guy. . It’s fine. Cause guess what.? I’m on your side too now. 
He’s so God filled and so knowledgeable it blows my mind. So he took me through our little situation here, and broke it down through God’s word and eyes. And he just made it all so clear and understandable. He told me that I was wrong and everything is my fault. I’m sure you like the sound of it huh.? Well I hated it. And I cried and screamed and was angry. But then he explained to me that I was mean and wrong to treat you the way I did. And of course I agree, because I’m twisted, but not that twisted. Geeze. Haha. Just kidding.(: I bet you just went, “BUT YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN JUST KIDDING.” oh how I will miss that honey. You’re the only one who ever called me on that.♥ but anyways, I then brought up the fact that you told me you loved me and cared about me COUNTLESS times and how could my big brother and best friend abandon me.??!? You even told me you loved me unconditionally. And you don’t abandon someone you love unconditionally. But oooh was i wrong there. Because he explained to me something that I think is right.
He told me story how he went through this EXACT same situation with a girl. He was you and I was his ex girlfriend. She was constantly mean to him and picked on him. And most of the time it was a joke. Because that’s how she was. But at that time in his life he was not so deep in his relationship with God, so he loved her, unconditionally, but in a earthly way, not as the way God loves us unconditionally. So he had to back out of that relationship because it was destroying him and he couldn’t handle it. He didn’t love her any less. In fact. He loved her just the same. But because he was not stable with God, he couldn’t survive in that atmosphere. 
So he told me this is probably what you’re going through. And I know you matthew. You know I do. And I know you love me. I know you don’t love me any less now than when we were tight like a fat kid in spandex. I know this now. So I deeply and completely apologize with my entire heart and soul. I regret ever telling you that you lied to me for eight months and that you honestly never loved. Im so amazingly sorry. Because that’s not true. Because you wouldn’t do that. Like you said, I was so self absorbed in my own feelings. I didn’t even take a chance or a moment to look at you and how you were and are feeling. If I could go back in time. I would take back those mean things I said. Because I know you are just protecting yourself. From me. Which kills me that you have to do that. But that’s only one person’s fault..mine. And I take full responsibility. 
I don’t expect this to change anything. Because you deserve to be treated with love. And im sorry I didn’t make you feel loved. I cant believe I did that to you. You honestly loved me and cared about me. And I am going to miss that matthew. Im going to miss that so much. But ya know. I’ll be okay. Because I have God. And no one needs anyone but God. You don’t need anyone but God. 
So I want you to grow. I want you to be so obsessed with God you can never get enough. I want you to invest your life into God and focus on doing that. Because this is what I’m going to do. And maybe, when we’re both at that point. Where we can love each other unconditionally in a Godly way, then maybe we can be friends again. Because I’d love that. You were a true friend matthew. And I hope you know that I don’t regret a single moment of our relationship. Because we both grew from it. I have so much. And I know you have too. And I pray that you will continue to grow.


I love you with my entire heart. And I know most of this love is from God that’s shooting through me into you. So don’t forget about me. Please pray for me and my journey with God. I want to completely and utterly give my life to God. That’s what I need. That’s what we all need. So keep it up honey. I know you’re gonna get there. 
Much love, 
Your little sister, emma joy. 
[because no matter what, I’ll forever be your sister in God]

yus, it's a "two-blog" kinda day.

D A R K  M A G I C

because i freaking love voldemort.

my current mood

Well, when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way

And after all this time that you still owe
You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whooa

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Well come on, come on

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
"I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday"

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday 

i don't love you by MCR

for june 30th..off by one minute.!

trust


today I reconnected with a beautiful old friend of mine.
and despite the many lacking years of sincerly spending time together,
she hasn't changed at all.
and we get together like peanut butter and jelly..strawberry of course.<3


so we talked about our lifes and she told me a story about a guy. and we all know how those go.
the conversation then turned to trust..






you can never truly trust someone.
because you never truly know someone.
there's always that one thing that they aren't tellin you.
there's that one thing they can't stand about you.
there's that something they told you,
knowing it's a lie.


they might tell you they love you..
but do they really.?


they might say it will turn into something more..
but is it just a one night stand.?


they might say they'll NEVER leave you..
but will they stick around when it gets rough.?




you sincerly never know.
and that's a hard fact to face.


I have so many trust issues because people have failed to follow through with their words.
some people just think it's okay to screw you over.
but there's a few good people out there; don't get me wrong.
I have some pretty solid friends in life.<3
but this life is soooo uncertain.
it's hard to believe anyone and trust anything said.


but as my wise friend ruth ronin pointed out
"you don't need people telling you they love you. you have God proving that to you everyday."