because i hold you responsible.

"ya know that unconditional love

that God has for you? I kinda have

that for you."

- the old you

where's the truth is these words?
why would you say something,
so deep,
something you know I would hold close to my heart,
but not mean it?
because if you had this God like unconditional love for me,
there's no way in heaven,
this earth,
or hell,
that you would leave me.
God never abondons anyone.
EVER.
it's so pathetic for you to compare yourself,
to God.
especially,
failing at your attempt.
so I'm done dealing with your lies.
the way you played my heart.
you obviously never loved me.
especially in any unconditional way.
but it's honestly perfectly okay,
because I have God.
and he's the only one I need in my life,
filling me with unconditional love.

yes. i hold you responsible for breaking my heart and tearing me down. i hold you responsible for the tears that stained my face for the many weeks after you walked out of my life. you were more than just another person in my life. you were my BEST friend. and you knew that. you were my big BROTHER. you promised me that you would never leave me and you would always be there for me..and yet here we are..absent from eachother's lives because of you. and this is why i hold you responsible.

 but it's not all bad.

if it was not for you breaking my heart,

i would not be where i am.

you obviously didn't see the person i now am.

i'm not the same.

i'm so much better.

i'm still twisted and insane.

but you can't blame me for that.

i'm messed up in so many ways.

[and i thought you loved me anyways]

but i'm better.

all because of God.

He was there for me,

when you WEREN'T.

it took you abadoning me,

to realize that i don't need you.

all i need is God.

He's the only one you can rely on.

so i thank you.

and i hold you responsible.

no, i do not hate you.

in fact,

i love you like i always have.

because you did mean something to me.

did.

i still don't understand.

and i won't until you tell me.

but you're still on my mind.

constantly.

because i want you to be, where i am now.

with God.

then, maybe..just maybe.

you'll realize what you've done.